Should You Be Debt Free Before Getting Married?

Since, I announced my engagement there has been one or two people commenting anonymously that my fiance and I should become completely debt free before walking down the aisle. However, is that what most readers feel to? More importantly, what do the financial experts think?

I started my research, with a search of Google. During that search I found the following article on the LA Times website.

To hear Summer Brown and Briana Biddle talk about it, their upcoming wedding and civil commitment will be a fairy tale, complete with happily ever after.

But fairy tales can turn dark pretty quickly, and a look at the couple's finances shows that the poisoned apple in this story could be money.

Let's start with the wedding: Brown has a $986 wedding dress and a $2,600 engagement ring, both bought on credit. Then there are older debts: a $20,000 time share on which Biddle is not making payments and $17,000 in student loans for Brown, among others.

To the rescue rides financial planner Alfred McIntosh, who has agreed to look at the couple's finances as part of The Times' Money Makeover series.

Before the wedding, couple need to cut debts and stop overspending -- LA Times

As the article correctly pointed out latter in the article, domestic partnerships between two people of the same sex is not legally considered to be a marriage in California, but this couple would assume many of the same risks that married couples run, such as the higher earner potentially becoming responsible for spousal support of the other.

Now to the real issue. The debt going into marriage. This particular couple has a combined income of $79,000. Besides the money borrowed for the wedding items mentioned above there is more debt that was revealed to the financial counselor.

Brown has saved $2,200 in a retirement account, and they have $57 in their joint savings account. But their balance sheet is dominated by debt.

Biddle carries about $11,250 in debt on two credit cards, at interest rates of 25% and 30%, and $553 in a line of credit associated with her checking account. Brown carries about $1,450 on one card at a 7.23% interest rate.

They're racking up 45.2% interest on the credit line they took out to buy the engagement ring because they stopped making payments and the rate jumped. And they owe $3,000 on two more credit cards that they hold together.

Brown also has $17,000 in student loans at 2.48% and a $21,000 car loan at 4.99%.

It was during the discussion of debt that the meeting with the financial planner became tense. With a hollow look on her face, Biddle confessed that she hadn't been completely straightforward about her debts and spending.

Brown became upset.

"I'm bitter now," Brown said, "because I've done everything I was supposed to do financially and she didn't."

McIntosh slipped into his therapist role.

"Since you don't like letting her down," he told Biddle, "and you want to do better at this, you have one choice: to get better at this."

All that debt -- and its continued accumulation -- is the most pressing problem and the first thing the pair need to address, McIntosh said. "Stop using those cards," he told them.

I agree 100%, it is a problem that the pair must address and address now. However, does that mean that you have to be totally debt free before entering into the bonds of marriage?

McIntosh told them to pay for their wedding with money earned outside of their regular salaries. Brown believes she can bring in about $1,000 a month by throwing parties to sell products out of her home. Biddle predicts she can bring in $1,300 extra a month by doing freelance interpreting for the deaf.

"You should get married only at the time that you can pay for your wedding without taking out any more debt," he said. "This is making a dream come true."

Again, I agree totally with this financial counselor, but what to do with debt accumulated before marriage?

Since the LA Times article really didn't answer this question, I turn to another page. This time I land on a document from Utah State University.

Debt can be addressed prior to getting married or after you get married, but either way it must be addressed. But remember that the less debt you have going into marriage, the greater your chances for success and happiness in marriage (Schramm & Lee, 2003). So consider paying off your debt before tying the knot. Here’s how one person did it.

I think, we finally have an answer. A couple should reduce as much debt as possible. Yes being totally debt free is best, but is not the answer. The most important thing is that the entire wedding (and honeymoon) needs to be paid in cash. The other thing is that e couple should set down together and discuss their finances, being totally open about what debt they are bringing into this relationship. To quote one of the best known financial gurus, Dave Ramsey, "plan your work, work your plan." To help you (and Pat and I) with this USU has included a worksheet in the linked pdf file to print off so you can list all of the debts that you would be bring into the marriage. In so doing you can have complete knowledge of each others debts. Which is very important, because the last thing you want is to accumulate more debt. Rather, you and your new spouse want to build wealth so that you can fulfill your dreams together.

Steve Bayer, the local representative (in Topeka, KS) for Crown Financial Ministries, had this to say, "I saw a survey that said 86% of divorces listed finances as the #1 or 2 reason for that divorce...hmmm. In this case Kevin you describe that they are continuing not only to apparently ignore their debt but they are adding more to it based on the dollars being spent on the planned wedding.

God's Word has 2,350 verses in the bible on money and possessions...that's a lot! It must be important based on the volume contained there!

So, do they value God's opinion? See Joshua 1:8, Prov 11:28, Prv 28:25, Lk 16:2, 11-13
Let's not forget Luke 16:10 "He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much ..."
By the way Psalm 37:21 is a pretty direct verse about not paying ones debt."



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